Bit of a headache today, weird one too, kind of fuzzy down one side. Think its the change in weather, but will keep a mindful eye on it. Football last night was ok, dont like the fact we dived for a penalty, but the media reaction has been pathetically hysterical. So many other teams do it, do it worse, and do it more often (ok that doesnt make it right) but we do it once, its "hang Eduardo" "ban Arsenal" Etc etc......ooooh it makes me angry.
Mood swing content : still not been too bad, have a little sadness hanging over me, but it definitely has the edge taken off of it. Im pretty sure its 50% epilim and 50% in my mind, but whatever works eh?!
Daughters birthday tomorrow, but im at work for most of it, so hope she has a lovely day.

24-08-09

Ok had another downer at the weekend. I really felt fine, but apparently i was terrible. Im hoping this valproate kicks in sooner, as nothing winds me up more than being told im miserable and moody when i feel fine. Im not sure anyone understands this to be honest. I feel quite confused, almost child like, looking for someone to pat me on my head and say everythings going to be ok......but nobody does.

20-08-09

Well feeling way calmer now. Think it may be a placebo effect in all honesty....But i dont really care.
Just about to move house and it has been an absolute nightmare. We finally have the mortgage offer to sign and send back to the solicitors. Please let it all be done soon, im so tired of the stress of it all!!!
Arsenal playing Portsmouth this weekend, and after the start we have had, plus Portsmouth (despite being a pretty good team on their day) are in a bit of disarray. Im thinking 3-0 to us and back to the top of the league.
Missus is suffering so im going to spend most of the weekend waiting on her hand and foot, but she deserves it!!!
Have a good weekend!

Day 1 - 19-08-2009

Well I have decided to blog. I guess I have read so many others on my search for knowledge about this condition that i felt i was missing out!
First of all, I have just started on Sodium Valproate at the very lowest dose. 200mg twice a day, but this is expected to increase. I spoke to a wonderful doctor/clinical psychiatrist Wednesday called Dr Gorashi and he prescribed it for me. He spoke to us like an old uncle or grandad, such a calm gentle voice! He really made me feel at ease talking about lots of things i would find awkward to discuss usually, and we got quite deep into things that have happened in my life that may have triggered my bipolar. And now, with his help, i can see that about 8 or 9 years ago i suffered from several events that on their own would have been difficult, but they all happened within a small frame of time.
I never thought I had anything wrong with me, i just couldnt see it, and when people pointed it out, it would trigger an event. For me, most of my events were depression like, with the minority being mania. I would say the ratio was about 4 to 1. So most of the time i was depressed. I always thought i was the type that could just smile and get on with things but for a while now, this was getting increasingly difficult. I just wanted to lock myself away from friends, family and colleagues until i felt better. People started thinking i was snubbing them as I couldnt face talking to anyone once I had got home. None of this was really a problem for me until I got back together with my daughters mother after 10 years apart. I had dealt with things in my own way, in my own home away from anybody and not affecting them, here now,i was sharing a home with her and my beautiful daughter and my wild constant swings of mood were tearing apart the relationship before it had a chance to really get going again. She (and I will be eternally grateful for this and love her forever more than she will ever know)forced me to go to the g.p and he saw, without too much probing, that i indeed had a problem. He referred me to mental health care and after a few sessions we came to the medication.
Ill leave it there, but i would also like to say thank you to the two people I have spoke to at work who have supported me. Onwards and upwards!!!!